Tuesday, February 26, 2002

 
Fake Names and False Lies
by Herman Civils

Sarah Cavanaugh - Prostitute/college proffesor.
Felix Cavanaugh - a.k.a. "Steinbeck Salinger" Semi-famous writer. Wrote Mockingbird's Request Noodles on Frigid Fall Day's, a collection of short stories and poems.



SCENE 1

Sarah and Felix are laying in bed, snuggling together. They have just finished having intercourse.

Sarah: Why do you write about sex so much?
Felix: What do you mean?
Sarah: Well, all the women in your books talk about sex and drugs. Cock and coke. I mean, all your stories are great, don't get me wrong. I mean that's kind of why I'm here.
Felix: Right, but...
Sarah: But why is always about drugs and sex? Is that what you really think goes on?
Felix: I think you're missing the analogies. Female's, sex, and drugs, are all vaginal and the saturation, or over saturation of these things presents the reader with a strong commentary that I find...
Sarah: (interrupts) Cut the shit. I teach freshman english, not kindergarten. That's a bunch of shit. Come on, just tell me. I'm not going to leak this to The New Yorker or anything, it's just a simple question.
Felix: (pause) Because. They're fun.
Sarah: What? The drugs or the sex?
Felix: Both. I mean, they each have this intrinsic taboo about them. It's overtly captivating to me.
Sarah: So you're saying you think it's cool to talk about bitches and smack.
Felix: Basiclly.
Sarah: You know, if this is going to be a regular thing, you don't have to use big words to make up for your less-than-big dick (laughs)
Felix: Yeah, well, you've got a...a really short...short vagina, ha!
Sarah: Good one!
Felix: Shut up. (long pause) This is going to be a regular thing?
Sarah: Well sure. If you want. Unless you have too many other bitches to keep up with.
Felix: Am I going to have to pay each time.
Sarah: No (laughs) Just enough times so that I can pay my rent.
Felix: Ok.
Sarah: (long pause) Are you ever going to tell me your real name?
Felix: Stienback Salinger is my real name.
Sarah: Oh yeah, and my name is Krispy Crispy Kreme. Sure.
Felix: It is.
Sarah: Come on, if I'm giving you pussy and female companianship I should at least know your real name.
Felix: Are you sure?
Sarah: Sure I'm sure.
Felix: Felix Cavanaugh.
Sarah: What?
Felix: Felix Cavanaugh.
Sarah: (sits up quickly) Are you sure? Felix Cavanaugh? Lawrence Cavanaugh's boy?
Felix: (chuckles) Yeah, how'd you know? Done a bit of history, eh?
Sarah: You could say that (get's up and starts to put on her clothes)
Felix: What...what are you doing? Where are you going?
Sarah: This can't happen.
Felix: What can't?
Sarah: Us. It's just not going to work.
Felix: Sure it is, I just told you my real name. What? What else do you want to know? I mastrabate, so what? There, are you happy?
Sarah: Jesus, I did not want to know that.
Felix: Come on, get back in bed. What is the matter?
Sarah: Nothing, just it's nice to meet you. (goes to the door)
Felix: (get's up) Wait! Stop and tell me why you are leaving like this? What did I do?
Sarah: (stops at the door) Nothing. You didn't do anything.
Felix: Now somehow I don't believe that. Come on, just tell me. In five minutes I don't see what I could have said to make you storm out like this. Come on.
Sarah: You don't want to know. Just let me leave and go about your life. Trust me, you don't want to hear my reason.
Felix: No, I do want to hear it! (Pause) You know, in the few hours I've known you, I feel like we've really connected. Like we've really had something going. You are an extremely attractive prostitute slash college proffesor and I am a semi-famous writer. It's perfect! I mean, don't you think we're on our way? On our way to a life together, in love? Don't you get that warm feeling? That feeling that only the greatest of writers can capture and even then, not good enough? Don't you feel it? Cause I do Sarah, I do. And for once, I really want to give this a shot. All I'm asking is for you to give us a shot. Please?
Sarah: (long pause) So you want to hear it?
Felix: Yes, god, yes! I'd wait for angels to do tequila shots off Rip Torn's ass to hear you utter one sylable! Yes, tell me!
Sarah: I'm your cousin.
Felix: What's that?
Sarah: I'm your cousin! My name is Sarah James Cavanaugh.
Felix: No, you're Sarah: prostitute slash college proffesor.
Sarah: No, I'm not! Your dad's brother is my father!
Felix: (long pause) Swan-neck Sarah?
Sarah: Fuck you! (runs out in tears)
Felix: You just did! (goes to a computer and types) "And somehow I knew all along..."

END SCENE
posted by BC 8:03 PM