Tuesday, February 19, 2002

 
Thugs Don't Like BJ's
by Herman Civils


Elevator C - Hit man for Marcos Marx, a big drug dealer in lower Wilmington, NC.
Farley T - Hit man for Marcos Marx.

Elevator C and Farley T are standing over a twenty-something they have just shot to death in a run down apartment in lower Wilmington, NC. This anonymous man owed Marcos Marx nine hundred dollars.

Elevator C: Oh shit. (looking at his pants) Shit. How am I supposed to fuck in these pants?
Farley T: What, you fuck in your pants? (laughs)
Elevator C: (puts his gun in his pants) No, but what kind of ladies are going to want to fuck a guy with blood all over his pants?
Farley T: I don't know. Go to that place on 49th and 3rd. (ejects the spent magazine from his gun and puts it in his pants) What's it called, with all them goth-ass crackers? "The Cracka-ass Goth Fucks" or something. Them bitches will fuck anything dripping in blood.
Elevator C: You know I'm not gonna' mess with that nasty shit. I draw the line at dendrophilia.
Farley T: What, fucking trees? (chuckles) Yeah, I should certainly hope so.
Elevator C: Man, fuck you. You know what I'm talking about. Uh, that shit where they fuck corpses.
Farley T: Necrophilia.
Elevator C: Yeah, that's it. I don't do that funky shit.
Farley T: You do her in a 69 don't you?
Elevator C: Not usually. That's not very romantic.
Farley T: Huh? What's not romantic about sucking on each others junk?
Elevator C: Hey check to see how much he has on him.
Farley T: (bends down and takes the man's wallet) I mean, I think that's pretty sweet. You're sucking her off, she's sucking you off. It's a mutualisitic thing.
Elevator C: I see what you're saying, but do you really think that a girl wants a cock in her mouth? In all honesty, how could anyone enjoy sucking on some guy's prick? I jkust don't see it.
Farley T: I should hope not. You're not getting all funny on me are you? I mean, you're talking about this like you've thought about it a lot. (chuckles)
Elevator C: No, I'm not "getting funny." Besides, is it a tradgedy to be gay? (long pause) Whatever, all I'm saying is, that a girl's mouth is not where my dick belongs. She knows that and I know that, but society tells us different, so people like you get it all confused and think it's ok, it's natural. It's not right.
Farley T: What the fuck? Where do you get all this society bull-shit, huh? You at night school and forget to tell us?
Elevator C: Fuck you.
Farley T: I like getting off. I don't really care much whether it's in her mouth or her goosey, or even her ass. If she goes downtown on me, I'm not going to say, "Hey, get your head out from down there! Didn't your mom tell you not to put things in your mouth?"
Elevator C: And what I'm saying is what was her head doing down there anyway? Society told her you expect a blow job whenever you have a free moment, so that's what she did. You could at least get things straight when you're mackin.
Farley T: "Hey girl. What's yo name? Coo. My names Farley T. I don't like blow jobs." What the fuck?
Elevator C: Whatever. You don't get, so let's just talk about something else. How much does he have?
Farley T: You don't want to talk cause you know I'm right. (pause) $13.26.
Elevator C: Geez, what a fucking junkie.
Farley T: Have you had a girl suck your dick?
Elevator C: Yeah, when I was young and stupid. Help me pick this shit head up.
Farley T: (they pick up the body and take it out the door) Damn, this motherfucka is heavy. He musta been a lil' debbie junkie too.
Elevator C: Damn, we shot the fuck out of him. Watch the steps.
Farley T: You know what we should do?
Elevator C: Take him to that goth cracka club downtown.
Farley T: Yeah, how'd you know?
Elevator C: 'Cause I was thinking the same thing.

Many apologies if this is too Tarintino. That wasn't my intent.
posted by BC 11:46 AM